● Now accepting applications from people who don’t need our approvalBulletin 2026-031 · Office hours by non-appointment
UnfollowologyINSTITUTE · EST. WHEN WE DECIDED TO
The Science of Being Unfollowable

Everybody wants followers.
We’d like to know why.

The Unfollowology Institute is an independent research organization studying why perfectly capable adults keep accepting unsolicited instructions from people they’ve never met.

Assess Your Unfollowability Examine our research →
FIG. 1 · DIRECTIONAL COMPLIANCEN = 42
RECOMMENDED DIRECTION Subject 43 SUBJECT 43 LOCATION: ELSEWHERE
Forty-one participants proceeded as recommended. One has not been located and does not appear to be looking for us.
01 / Flagship instrument

The Unfollowability Assessment

Twelve ordinary situations. No answer is correct, though several are noticeably less exhausting than others. You get an Unfollowability Index, a classification, three findings and a certificate suitable for not framing.

12 questionsAbout 4 minutesNo email required. We checked.
UNFOLLOWABILITY INDEX
Appointed Explainer
Reluctant Participant
Selective Observer
Professionally Unavailable
The Unfollowable
Begin the assessment
Sample · Q04 / 12Unsolicited misunderstanding

A stranger on the internet has misunderstood a perfectly ordinary statement you made. What’s your next move?

02 / Official research findings

Recent publications

All publications →
UFI-R-0117

The Unsolicited Certainty Effect

PI: DR. MARTIN VALE The relationship between subject-matter expertise and willingness to comment. Finding: inverse, then loud. UFI-R-0122

The Personal Branding Paradox

PI: PROF. DANIEL PRICE Why people are encouraged to become identical in the pursuit of individuality. Finding: everyone who said they were “not like other creators” owned the same ring light. UFI-R-0131

The Repackaged Search Result Phenomenon

PI: DR. ELAINE MERCER Paid information products whose entire contents appear on the first page of a free search. Finding: several included a bonus. The bonus was also on the first page.

All Institute research is fictional satire. Findings are observational, not statistical. We haven’t made up any numbers, which already puts us ahead of several of our research subjects.

03 / Departments & instruments

Tools for declining.
Measured precisely.

All instruments →
Dept. of Applied DisengagementThe Non-Engagement SimulatorA stranger is wrong about something small. You may respond. You may also leave.Run simulation → Office of Fiscal RegretThe Outrage ROI CalculatorHours spent arguing online, set against minds changed. The second column is brief.Calculate → Dept. of Unnecessary CorrespondenceUnsolicited Advice Response GeneratorFour intensities, from Professionally Courteous to Departmental Final Notice.Generate →
DEPT. OF CONSUMER DISCERNMENTThis one is not a joke Worth it, or Google it? Some courses and guides genuinely save you weeks. Others are a search result with a checkout page. Describe what you’re considering, put a value on your hour, and get a straight verdict. “Good information products sell time. Bad ones sell the feeling of progress.” Open the evaluator

Also from the Institute: Authority Detector · Hobby Business Evaluator · Public Non-Announcement Generator · C.U.P. Certification

04 / Faculty & administration

Credentials: fictional.
Disappointment: sincere.

Meet the faculty →
Portrait of Dr. Martin Vale, a weary man in a tweed jacket in front of stacked binders Dr. Martin ValeDirector of Independent JudgmentHas spent 22 years explaining why his department should not exist. The department has grown. Portrait of Dr. Elaine Mercer, raising a hand to decline something Dr. Elaine MercerChair of Applied DisengagementDeclined to keynote a conference on declining invitations. Her absence was called the strongest presentation of the event. Portrait of Prof. Daniel Price, holding a sandwich and looking skeptical Prof. Daniel PriceDigital Behavioral StudiesHis grant proposal asks why a sandwich now requires a public position. Funding awaits a public position. Portrait of Margaret Bell behind a tall stack of paperwork Margaret BellAdmissions & Unnecessary CorrespondenceReviews every application personally. Privately hopes you’ll reconsider.
05 / Public advisory
MEMORANDUM 2026-023
TO: All Personnel
FROM: Office of Communications
RE: Proposed Influencer Partnership

The Institute has declined a proposed influencer partnership after determining that the applicant’s primary qualification was possessing followers.

The applicant has announced a response video. Attendance is not required.

Memorandum archive →
06 / Admissions

We have reviewed your interest.

Your decision to seek admission to an institute dedicated to independent judgment has raised several questions. Margaret Bell would like to ask them.

Margaret Bell Margaret Bell
Admissions & Unnecessary Correspondence
Begin applicationSuccessful applicants usually withdraw.
07 / Office of Full Disclosure

This is the part where we ask for something.

Everything on this site studies people who want your attention. It would be dishonest to pretend we don’t. The Institute is fictional. The person who built it is not. His name is Sean, he writes a newsletter called The Detention Slip, and this site exists partly so you’ll read it.

We studied every manipulative signup tactic on the internet so we could use none of them. No countdown. No pop-up. Nothing on this site is locked behind this form. Your certificate is yours either way.

Read the full disclosure →